you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
