New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
