Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
