Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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