dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
