it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
