pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
