It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
