i wish my penis had a tongue
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
