just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
