Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
