In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
