Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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