what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
