She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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