he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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