whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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