he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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