Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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