so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
