I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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