I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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