Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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