Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
