Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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