So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My ATM looks so different sober.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
