ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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