it wasn't lemon gatorade
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
