I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that youโre divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means sheโs DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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