I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
