Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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