HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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