last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Terrible idea I love it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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