the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
