Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
