We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can text with my tongue
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
