Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
