i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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