Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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