I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
