Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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