I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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