is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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