hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
