I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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