rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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