It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She said her name was "party"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
