I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
