It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize