you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
