my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
