btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Quick, to the slutcave!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
