Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
