Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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