mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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