ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
