he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
