Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
