Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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