i think my tv is drunk
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
