Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
