Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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