I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
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But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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