he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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