Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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