You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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