I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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