I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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