i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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