i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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