so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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