i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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