There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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