FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
