You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
