So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
