You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
