Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
