Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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