Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize