So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
