Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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